It is currently 4AM and I can’t go to sleep. I really, really, REALLY hate it when I have anxiety. I hate it when my anxiety keeps me wide awake in the wee hours of morning. Tonight, is one of those nights. I was intending on going to bed at a decent time tonight (since Benny was spending time with his brother’s and friends tonight out of town) but he is home now fast asleep. Anyway,
This weekend was very wonderful (for the most part) but it was also eventful. On Friday, Benny’s brother Dan graduated from the Univesrity of Iowa (for his bachelor’s in microbiology). It was nice, because Benny wanted me to go with him (usually he likes to go alone, to have his alone time with his family). I couldn’t beleive it. I was so excited and shocked that he wanted me to go.So, off we went and I took this cute picture of Benny driving. He looks adorable in Beanie hats. And the sunsest was breath taking. It felt like the good ol days when Benny and I first started dating. It felt amazing. It felt as it should. Everything felt right. I’m really, really
Yesterday, our 2003 Dell Inspirion crashed. BIG time. I think i may have acidentally deleted a system process (while i was checking my PC for errors). I am so pissed. I called Dell today (& got a discount) for ordering a windows XP (home edition) for 18$ bucks. Then, i’m going to have Staples fix & restore our computer. *sigh* So i will be MIA for a couple of weeks. You can still keep up with me & follow me via twitter. My link is: http://www.twitter.com/ju1ie
I am really looking forward to tomorrow. Benny and I came to our hometown today, and visited with my dad and his girlfriend. We are now, at Benny’s parents house, spending time with his family. I really love spending time with his family and being out in the countryside. I love the serenity of the countryside.
Tomorrow, we are having a wonderful Easter dinner with his family. This last week was really peaceful and wonderful. I have learned alot in the last two weeks (for this year).
I have learned First and foremost…..
You can’t trust anbody. No matter what. The only person that I can trust is God. I pretty much abandoned my livejournal because of this reason. I always believed in “friends forever” but that itself is pretty rare these days. I believe and trust that God will bless me with the right friends to have (weather they believe in God or not).
Second, I have learned to not rely on emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings are VERY carnal and fickle. Emotions are unreliable and twisted. I have learned to listen to my heart deep inside, and I have learned to listen to God’s spirit inside my heart . I have also learned that the heart itself, will always be my guide.
Third, I am humbled and deeply thankful for all the amazing, special, wonderful people who I have in my life.
I have people in my life, (around me right now) and hearing them conversing back and forth in conversation amongst each other, makes me feel really blessed. The people I have in my life now, are people who matter, and people who truly care for me. People who love me unconditionally and accept me for who I am. That’s all that matters me to me.
I have the most amazing boyfriend who loves me unconditonally. I am madly, deeply, obessively in love with him. I fall more and more in love with him everyday and every solitary second. He recently started a new work schedule this past week, and he is working longer hours. It kinda sucks, but its also nice because we have learned to appreciate each other, and our time together. He is amazing. He is the sweetest, sensitive, humble, man. I can’t wait to marry him and be with him forever. Forever to infiniity & beyond is in our future.
Things have been so perfect. I give God the credit for that though. I am really happy and I’m at a place where I’m not expecting anything bad to happen. I feel content, satisfied, strong, and secure. I’m expecting favor, peace, and happiness in our future. Things will keep getting better and better.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter Weekend! Remember, Easter isn’t about bunnies, chicks, and easter eggs. Its all about Jesus. He is alive and well today. He died for our sins, (so we can have a relationship with HIM) He rose again on Easter morning. People can believe in a “GOD” or a religion, but believing in Jesus IS about having a personal relationship with HIM; not because He is a “belief” or “religious figure”. HE has RISEN!!!!
Finally. I have found and come to a place of peace and happiness. No stress. No drama. There’s nothing but peace, contentment, and happiness. I have,
cleaned out things in every area of my life, and chose to cut out negative people out of my life. It feels good being free from people who were just really unhealthy for me (both emotionally, mentally, and spiritually). It feels good. REALLY good. I feel good in every way. I no longer have the stress of having certain people weighing me down, belittling me, and causing un-needed stress and drama for me. It feels really good when you know you have followed your heart, and made the right decisions for yourself and for your well being.
This past weekend was perfect. I have the most amazing people in my life, and I love who I am. I have the most amazing boyfriend, and I love being with him. He just really makes me feel special in every way. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Today, I cleaned out EVERYTHING. I cleaned the apartment top to bottom, and it feels great! Work was VERY busy with back to back calls, but I got all of the cleaning done. It feels good. It feels completed. It feels amazing getting rid of old things, un-needed things, things of the past, are no longer valid (both internally, spiritually, and emotionally) It feels great letting it all go.
This past weekend, we had alot of sleet, wind, and snow. This week, it looks like we are in the clear from the winter weather. I am SO excited for warm weather. I can’t wait to open up the windows, and feel the warm breezes flow through and breathe it all in.